Where Fear and Faith Collide

What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brotheror a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, “ You have faith; I have deeds.” Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. – James 2: 14-18 (NIV)

I’m in that place – the valley of decision – where fear and faith collide. Fear tugs on my ankles, pulling, stretching, weighing me down, while Faith on wings light and airy, hope-fueled, strength-infused lifts my arms, my eyes, my focus. Fear keeps me grounded, safe, familiar. Faith gives me hope, possibility, the ability to achieve dreams. I must choose with whom I will go.

It’s a hard choice to make, but only I can make it. Stay stuck, safe at the bottom, or climb to the top knowing I may fall, fail. I choose to climb. I choose the possiblity of failure in the place of never trying. I choose the hard road, because easy has gotten me nowhere. I choose to move forward, because staying here means stagnancy. I choose to try, because if I don’t I’ll never know. And after all, at the end of life people don’t regret the things they did, it’s the things they didn’t that haunt and loom large.

What’s the point of having faith if you don’t use it, and why believe in the God of the impossible if you won’t follow His lead? These are the questions I’ve grappled with – the ones that propel me forward.

2012 is fast approaching, and I am on a mission – to walk by faith, to step into the unknown, to conquer my fear, to obey His voice, to fulfill my calling. He is already there, and I’m going to meet Him. I’m going to stop asking and start listening.

What will you choose?

With that said, I would like to announce that I have published my first book. Containing 43 devotions chosen from the blog, it is meant to inspire, encourage, and empower. It is currently available in print here, and is available on Amazon for Kindle here. The print version will also be available for purchase on Amazon sometime in mid to late February. I will keep you posted. For my local friends, I will have some hard copies available in a couple of weeks, so let me know if you would like to get it from me rather than ordering.

I appreciate all of the encouragement and support I have received, and I am continuing to write my memoir. Although this has been a scary, difficult process, it is also the fulfillment of a life-long dream and I thank God for His amazing grace and the miracles He has performed in my life this past year!

Christmas Secret

I’ve got a secret – I don’t like Christmas all that much. I love the story, the meaning, the tradition, my Savior, but that’s about it. I don’t care for the tree dropping needles all over my floor, the emphasis on gifts, the shopping, the yards filled with seizure-inducing light shows, the stress, the reminder I don’t have enough.

Somehow I feel sad this time of year. Patience stretched thin, emotions laid bare, I cry to the Gift. I have a heart to give, but my resources don’t match. I feel inadequate, disappointed. Then, gently, I hear Him – I am the source. You have all the gifts you need through Me. Love, compassion, grace, forgiveness, joy, peace, My word – things money cannot buy, gifts I paid a heavy price for, hope the world needs. I realize I've been focused on my gifts - not His.

He bought all of my gifts a long time ago, but in order for me to give them freely, I must first fully accept them for myself. I cannot give what I do not possess. So today, I’m accepting anew His love, compassion, grace, forgiveness, joy, peace, and words.  I will not refuse His presence. I will not allow any form of lack to steal what is already mine. His gifts will be my gift to those around me.

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.

– Luke 2:11(NIV)

Special

I used to be a Special Education teacher. From emotional disturbance and traumatic brain injury, to autism spectrum and severe developmental and intellectual delay – I’ve seen and worked with it all. I loved each of my students, but I’m not going to lie, there was one boy in particular who was my all-time favorite.

R was wheel-chair bound, unable to communicate verbally, required a feeding tube, and needed assistance with pretty much every task. He was a beautiful boy inside and out, and although he couldn’t speak, I always heard him loud and clear. He brought so much joy to the lives of everyone around him by simply being. He could light up any room with his countenance, and everyone was drawn to him – his eyes, his smile. R changed my life without ever saying a word.

I think of R often, of how he always had joy despite the fact that he was trapped in a body that didn’t work , of his love for baseball and swimming, of his tenacity and willingness to work hard even if the task was painful or challenging. He never gave up. He always gave 100%.

On the day I got the call, I was at home. I had become a stay-at-home mom and hadn’t seen R for about a year. He had died unexpectedly the previous morning before the school bus came.

R taught me so much. He showed me that despite the unfairness of life, real joy is still possible. He taught me that whether I realize it or not, my countenance and actions impact those around me. People are watching. I don’t have to say a word for them to know what’s inside me.

R was special, not because of his disabilities, but because of his ability to convey hope, love, and joy without ever speaking a word.  I want to be special, too. I want to exude God’s hope, love, and joy. I want to be so full of His light that my very presence can help lead someone to Him.

In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. – Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

Best Laid Plans

The best laid plans of mice and men oft go awry. – Robert Burns

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. – Proverbs 19:21(NIV)

“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

It’s good to be organized and plan ahead. It’s important to set goals and figure out a way to achieve them. It’s nice to have contingencies and just in case scenarios mapped out in the event that things don’t work out like we thought. But ultimately, and most importantly, we must be aware that our lives are not our own. We are not in control. We don’t get the final say.

I’m a planning, list-making, need-to-know-right-now, probability-formulating, chart-following kind of girl. I used to try to prepare for everything and every possible scenario by making Plan A, B, and sometimes even C lists for almost every area of my life. It’s only taken me nearly 40 years to figure out that it doesn’t matter how much I plot, scheme, prepare, and make lists, 9 times out of 10, I will have left off a possibility and be thrown for a loop. I’m obviously a very fast learner.

Although I am much better than I used to be, I still have a tendency to make lists. For me, there’s strange comfort in putting pencil to paper and creating a plan. Having a guide I can hold in my hands, reading a page of instructions, and studying a carefully-formulated plot give me a sense of ease and make me feel in control. And there it is – the real issue. I want to somehow influence the course of events, to be able to direct the future, to know that everything will be okay. I want control.

Safety cannot be found in a hostile, dangerous, and ever-changing world by holding on to a list. Peace does not come through knowledge of future events. They come through knowing God and trusting in His words. I don’t need to make a list or a plan – He’s given me one – the Bible. I don’t need to know what the future holds – even if I did I’m powerless to change it, and no matter how many plans I make, ultimately God’s purpose prevails.

Safety and peace come through trust. I don’t know the plan, but I know the One who made it. I can’t control the future, but I control my relationship with the One who is already there. I have to stay focused on Him and believe that His plans – to prosper, not to harm, to give hope and a future- are His purpose that will prevail. He gave us the map to follow, He doesn’t need us to try to come up with alternate routes.

Tending to God's Business

If you will tend to God’s business, He will tend to yours. – Joyce Meyer

Have you ever noticed that most of God’s promises are contingencies? We tend to focus more on the latter parts of those declarations, holding on to the hope that God will come through in our time of need, many times forgetting to check ourselves and make sure we’ve held up our end of the deal. A classic scriptural example we often hear quoted or say ourselves is found in the Old Testament:

2 Chronicles 7:14 (NIV)– If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

We like hearing that God will hear us and forgive us and heal us – which, of course He wants to do- but sometimes we fail to take inventory of the necessary requirements for those blessings. Are we humble? Do we pray? Do we seek His face? Have we turned from our wicked ways? I mean, honestly, that’s a lot of hard stuff. Those aren’t just individual acts done here and there –they’re a lifestyle.

Living in humility is difficult. Praying is a discipline. Seeking God’s face (not just His hand) implies that we have to spend more than five minutes spouting off a wants or needs list and actually spend time getting to know Him and letting Him speak to us through His word. Turning from our wicked ways means denying ourselves and not only asking for forgiveness but being truly repentant and no longer engaging in attitudes, actions, or activities that do not bring Him glory. Really, mastering each one of these requirements and performing them concurrently can take a lifetime.

And that’s precisely what God wants – our lives. He wants us to be focusing on our end of the deal, working on humility, relationship, repentance so He can hear and forgive and heal. He doesn’t want us to be perfect. He doesn’t expect us to get it right all the time. He does, however, want us to try. He desires our genuine effort.

How can He hear us if we don’t speak to Him? How can He forgive us if we don’t ask? How can He heal us if we are living our own way, disregarding His laws? God is merciful and loving and good. He wants to bless us, but His grace is not cheap and He is no fool.

Absence

I’ve been conspicuously absent from the blogging world lately. Some of the reasons are justified, others are actually just excuses disguised in shallow yet noble trappings. I used to have so many things to say, such a desire to write – that has not changed. But, I’m no longer consumed with a certain number of words or posts per week, with how many page views I have, or with how many responses I’ve received.

I had an unhealthy relationship with the blogosphere. I was constantly checking my phone and email for notifications, waiting for the delicious sound of chimes indicating my profound effect upon someone’s life through timely words of wisdom. (I hope you’re catching the sarcasm here.) Simply put, I got sucked in. Klout, Google+, Twitter, Facebook, making the right connections, the vain hope that I would somehow be discovered, hand-picked from this vast chasm of talent, be noticed by someone really important – it all weighed heavily on me. There’s nothing wrong with any of the aforementioned things, but when they consume thoughts and eat time, they can become a huge negative force.

So, I stepped away –on purpose. I chose absence, and guess what? The blogging world kept on spinning, great writers kept churning out great posts, my scores went down, my ties to social media became almost non-existent, I got several letters that started out with, “We are impressed with your writing, BUT unfortunately, at this time…”, and the biggest miracle of all happened – I didn’t care. I’d been so obsessed with the wrong things that the right things became overshadowed. It took absence for me to realize that I had never truly been present in the first place.

It’s a crazy season, and too many times the right things become clouded by the wrong ones. Stuff that really doesn’t matter often becomes the focus, and we can lose sight of the importance of simplicity and absence, of taking time to step back and reassess, of understanding that the world will not come to a screeching halt if we do things differently. Sometimes it’s necessary to go away and work on ourselves so that we may be better contributors when we come back.

It is Christmas every time you let God love others through you. – Mother Teresa