“Oh, good, that’ll give you something to do now.” I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard that over the past couple of days. And I know it is well-intentioned, but it really doesn’t make me feel so great about myself. It leaves me with the feeling that people think this new part time barista job is going to fill my life with the purpose and meaning I’ve obviously been missing out on, because we all know if you don’t work outside the home, there’s really nothing to do all day, especially if your children are in school.
I know they don’t mean it that way, but that’s the way I take it, because I’ve been thinking a lot about quitting lately, and this remark only serves as proof of what I’ve been feeling. “This writing is going nowhere. It doesn’t matter. Look at all the rejections you’ve received lately—that’s obviously a sign. Your blog gave you something you needed for a while, but look, you’re obviously not that great—if you were things would have taken off already. And besides, if your friends took you seriously, if they thought you offered something worth reading, if they thought this was going somewhere, if your style was good or your message needed, why would they be glad that you finally have something to do—wouldn’t they think you’re already doing something?”
Every day for the past couple of weeks, I’ve battled these thoughts. And honestly, most days they win. Each time I sit down to write, I plan for it to be my last.
But then I remember these words: Don’t compare yourself to others. You have your own unique voice, your own style. No one else can do exactly what you can the way you can. No one else is specifically designed to reach the people I have prepared for you. I made you with others in mind, so be who you are—that’s who I need you to be. And maybe those people designed for me aren’t thousands of readers. Maybe it’s just one other mom who is about to give up but because she found an encouraging post on my blog decided to keep going. Isn’t she just as important as the masses? Jesus thinks so.
My priorities haven’t been in the right place. I’ve been more concerned about feeling important or getting noticed than I have about helping just one. I’ve lost sight of what really matters. I’ve wanted to quit because I’m not getting what I think I deserve.
What about you—do you feel like quitting? Is it because you don’t think you’re getting the recognition you deserve? Join me. Let’s refocus, reprioritize. Remember, it’s not about you, it’s about Him.
All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. – Proverbs 16:2-3 (NIV)
5 comments:
Deidra,
This hit me where I live. I hope you never give up because it's writing like this that keeps the rest of us encouraged to stay the course. Blessings to you!
You have to remember that people who don't write don't understand what's involved in any of it. Make sure to keep talking about writing with other writers. Non-writers will not get it, and that's okay. This is a tough road filled with many ups and downs, but you just keep plugging away if you know you're called to do it. Even if no one else gets it. You're a writer, my friend :)
Thanks, friends. Yes, Lori, it is full of ups and downs indeed. I'll keep going for sure, I've just gotten so caught up in some parts of it that I've failed to focus on what truly matters.
Good word Deidra...pastoring a small church I have had to learn to focus on victories on the "micro scale." When I first left college, I was sure by now I would be speaking to thousands every week :). That hasn't panned out. But the truth is I get as much pleasure and satisfaction from that one young man I can help turn around or that one single mom I can help discern the will of God for her life as I would get from preaching to thousands. You are speaking to people...carry on. And believe me, I have had "quittin" on my mind every week for 9 years...yet here I am, still seeing that one person here and there touched by God through my ministry.
Deidra - your blog is a favorite of mine, rather - you and your writing are a daily favorite of mine as you touch me where I live.
I have been on a 20 year journey since my early retirement from teaching because of health related challenges. It has been a journey in hopes of getting published as a writer. Oh, the ups and downs and times in the desert ( yet that is where God pours in His heart for what I write ). I am not published "yet" but the journey is His - my hands are His - my life is His.
To touch who He puts in our paths is the only publishing that truly matters. As to our dreams - He holds them in His heart, too, and awaits such time as the right time to pour the rainbows of them out of the clouds that seem to pop up and dampen our spirit.
Stay the course! :)
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