Sometimes and Free Books

Sometimes I wonder.

Sometimes I wander.

Sometimes I screw up.

Sometimes I wish I could do it all over.

Sometimes you couldn’t pay me enough.

Sometimes I make plans.

Sometimes they don’t work out.

Sometimes I’m full of confidence.

Sometimes I’m full of doubt.

But God is in the sometimes.

He knows just what I need.

God allows the sometimes

To prove His grace and peace.

Be encouraged today. You might be in a sometime right now, but God is waiting with fresh grace and peace for your situation. Give it to Him—He can handle it.

Today and tomorrow, Devotions from the Middle is free for Kindle and Kindle app. Swing by Amazon and get yours today!  http://www.amazon.com/kindle/dp/B006RQ0PR4#_

Don’t have a Kindle? No worries. Go to Amazon.com and get your free download of the Kindle app. It’s available for Iphone, Ipod, Android, Windows phone 7, and Blackberry smartphones; Windows and Mac PCs; and Ipad and Android tablets. http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?ie=UTF8&docId=1000493771

Linking with:

Laura @ http://www.beholdingglory.com/

Jennifer @ http://studiojru.com/blog/

Stacy @ http://www.heartprintsofgod.com/

Michelle @ http://www.nictomsmom.blogspot.com/



My Cookies are Bigger than God

I still do it. I don’t want to, but I do—not all the time, but often enough for me to realize it’s still an issue. Everything’s a blur. I don’t think or chew or breathe. I just swallow and hope it falls on my hurt, absorbing the anger and sadness and pain. Sometimes I don’t even realize what I’ve done until a whole sleeve is gone, crammed into the God spot it’s never able to fill.  But by then it’s too late. The damage is done, the guilt settles in, and now it’s time for penance. Force it out with my finger, work out 30 minutes longer, say cruel things to myself for hours on end—that’s the atonement.

It happened just yesterday. Frustrated about a situation I have no control over, I tried to smother the hurt with a cookie, to strangle and choke the life out of  my emotions. It’s punishment, really. I don’t have the right to be hurting—the world has much bigger problems than these—so I stuff the pain full with empty, beat myself up for feeling.

It never works.

And I should know this by now. After years of living in its grip of lies, I understand I should run the opposite direction when I hear its call. But for some reason, running to the kitchen seems easier than running to Him. Maybe I don’t want Him to know how weak I really am, maybe I’m afraid He’s tired of me, maybe when I purge the cookies it will flush out my feelings, too, maybe this time I can just fix it myself.

But I can’t and I know it.

And I realize for the first time in a long time the ugly truth: I’m making my cookies bigger than God. Actually, I’m making them God. I’m taking my issues to chocolate chips instead of Jesus. I’m trusting a mixture of sugar and eggs and milk to hear me and save me.

When I run to cookies instead of Him, I’m revealing where my trust really lies. I’m telling Him I don’t expect Him to handle my problem and that I’m not convinced it matters to Him. I’m saying I believe in cookies more than I believe in Almighty God.

Maybe you don’t have issues like I do. Maybe you go straight to God every time.

Or maybe you do have problems. Maybe you are like me. Maybe you run to cookies, too. Or maybe you run to work, or shopping, or exercise, or foul language, or gossip, or judgment, or sex, or not eating, or trashy novels, or one glass too many at the end of the day.

It doesn’t really matter what your it is.

The place or thing or person or activity you run to first in your time of hurt exposes your true belief. Your gut reaction in a painful situation reveals what’s in your heart.

I want to believe in Jesus more than cookies. I want Him to be my first option not my last resort. I want to take everything, good or bad, big or small, easy or hard to Him, knowing, trusting, believing, expecting Him to take it—to take me—and fix what is broken, to absorb the hurt and pain, to restore what is lost.

Only God can do that.

Join me today in running to Him first.  

God is our refuge and strength, and ever-present help in trouble. – Psalm 46:1 (NIV)

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  – Psalm 18:2 (NIV)

The name of the Lord is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. – Proverbs 18:10 (NIV)

Linking with:
http://www.reflectionsofhisgrace.com/
http://www.eph2810.com/
http://intentional.me/
http://joyinthisjourney.com/

On Jesus, Algebra, and Life

I hate algebra. It puts what is measurable into immeasurable terms; it allows that which is defined and structured to be represented theoretically, hypothetically, conceptually. It tolerates what is unconventional and seemingly contradictory. It takes everything you know to be true and turns it ten different ways from Sunday, making you question it all, dig deeper for more answers, and search for parallels between things that would not normally be connected.

But actually, life is algebra. More accurately, life is algebra with Jesus.

It is abstract and faith-filled and relational. It’s challenging and tricky and interactive. It requires a full understanding of rules and relationships; it demands time, perseverance, and patience. Every step must be performed—if you skip one you’ll get the wrong answer.

It lets you do strange things like make positives from all negatives and rewrite the same equation in a myriad of different ways. Algebra says that the order of terms doesn’t matter, just as long as like factors stay together; algebra teaches that a number combined with its inverse will reveal its true identity. It believes that what you do for one side, you must do for the other.

Life is one giant equation.

And the answer depends on me, and Jesus, and my understanding of Algebra.

I have to trust the rules, follow the steps, make careful calculations. I have to learn to think in terms greater than what I know. I must understand that there is more than just what I can see, control.

Jesus is at work. He is taking my life’s negatives and creating positive; He is re-writing my equation. He is ordering the terms, placing my factors in just the right place at the right time; He is showing me that opposition reveals my true identity. What He has done for others, He will do for me. He loves everyone the same and treats all sides equally.

He will do that for you, too. He specializes in the difficult, the abstract, the contradictory, the incalculable. He isn’t bound by rules and formulas and laws; He makes them.

Be encouraged today. He knows, He sees, He cares. He holds the final answer to your life’s equation, and He’s actively working, ordering your steps and defining the variables. Trust Him—He knows what He’s doing.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholds him with His hand. – Psalm 37:23-24 (NKJV)

Linking with:

http://gettingdownwithjesus.com/
http://womenlivingwell.org/category/women-living-well-wednesdays/
http://internetcafedevotions.com/
http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/
http://thingsicantsay.com
http://www.emilywierenga.com/

Do It Anyway

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about writing these days—about platform and branding and finding your voice and learning how to use the machine without becoming a part of it and how to shamelessly promote yourself in a way that looks like you’re just being nice and how to get noticed in a sea of a bazillion writers, more than half of whom are way better than you wish you could be—and it makes me want to run for the hills, screaming and thrashing all the way.                                                        

Every part of my being, every instinct I have is telling me to get out now before it gets ugly, before I’m in too deep, before I make a real fool of myself. I’m scared to death. I don’t think I have what it takes. Actually, I know for sure I don’t have some of it.

But...

In spite of the fear, in spite of the intimidation, in spite of the voices, I’m going to keep going. I have lived my whole life afraid and all it’s gotten me is a big pile of  “I wish I would have” stacked up in the corner.

I’m done with that.

I refuse to let fear ruin my potential and keep me from growth and purpose.

Will it be hard? Yes. Will I face rejection? Undoubtedly. Will it be a long process? Most assuredly. Am I in? Wholeheartedly.

Opposition is not an indication of being on the wrong road; it’s a clue that you’re on the right one.

Are you afraid today? Remember, fear and intimidation don’t come from God; they are tools Satan uses to oppose us, to keep us from purpose, to keep us from blessing. Keep going, even if you’re scared—He’s not asking you to do anything He won’t help you with.

He is with you.

He will keep you.

Depend on Him.

Do it afraid.

If your job doesn’t seem to be too big or hard for you, then it’s probably not from God. He gives big things—stuff we aren’t capable of apart from Him. – Barry Clardy

Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. – John Wayne

Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith and your fears will. – Max Lucado

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

Linking with:

Heather @ http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/

Taking Action: On Depression and Blind Bartimaeus

Depression is an evil darkness that looms large, making it difficult to see. Shrouded in heavy fog, its victims stumble about, grasping for hope, groping for answers, fumbling for a light switch that just can’t be found. It’s blackness feels permanent, incapacitating, degrading—it strips you of the ability to care for yourself and those you love. Depression causes blindness and vision loss. It not only steals the sight of your present surroundings—loved ones, responsibilities, abilities—but also robs you of your future, calling, and purpose. It makes you helpless, hopeless, and alone.

Blind Bartimaeus was a roadside beggar. Permanently incapacitated by his blindness, he was unable to see his loved ones and abilities. He was degraded, incapable of caring for himself. He was helpless, hopeless, and alone. Blindness robbed him of his future, pushing him into a fate he would not have chosen for himself, ruining his chances for a normal life.

But one day Jesus came by. Bartimaeus had heard of His miracles and started shouting, crying out for Jesus’ mercy. Everyone around told Bartimaeus to shut up, but he knew this was his one shot at a fresh start, so he yelled even more. He chose to ignore the voices; he decided to cry out in his darkness. Jesus heard him and told some people to call him over. They said, “Cheer up, Bartimaeus, get up, He’s calling you.”

And Bartimaeus, knowing this was his moment, understanding he had to take action, realizing that in spite of the darkness and chaos he must choose between past and potential, between what he knew and was comfortable with and what he had dreamed of, threw his cloak aside, jumped to his feet, and went to Jesus. Then Jesus, already knowing his need, asked Bartimaeus what he wanted. “I want to see,” he said, and immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus.

Bartimaeus didn’t wait for Jesus to come to him. He threw off his mantle— that thing he’d been wearing so long, that thing that identified and defined him, that thing that represented his struggle, that beggar mentality, that symbol of his affliction—and he jumped to his feet. He didn’t slugglishly get up and mosey on over. He leaped out of his place and got himself to where Jesus was. Once there, Bartimaeus reclaimed his future.

Bartimaeus took off the old, moved himself into a postition close to Jesus, and spoke his potential, telling Jesus specifically what he wanted. He called out the darkness, named his enemy, and brought it before Jesus. And in that moment, standing before his Maker, having let go of his past and surrendering his future, Bartimaeus was instantly healed.

I want to challenge you to become like Bartimaeus in your fight against the darkness. Like you, he was hopeless, helpless, and alone. Like you, he had an opportunity to meet with Jesus. Like you, he had a choice to make. It was difficult, he didn’t know what would happen, he fought against opposing voices, but he chose to try. He took off what he knew about himself—his reality—and responded to Jesus’ call. He jumped up in blindness. He made his walk to Jesus in blindness. He stood in front of Jesus in blindness. He spoke to Jesus in blindness. Every action he made was under cover of darkness, but when he declared his desire by faith, Jesus honored him and he walked away in the light, able to see his surroundings, his vision fully restored.

Try it. God is no respecter of persons. What He’s done for others He’ll do for you. He knows where you are. He hears you calling. Now it’s your turn. Take action. Don’t give in to the voices, don’t lay down and wait. Take off your labels, go to Him, tell Him what you need. He will restore your light and vision. Remember, the walk of faith is a blind one. You may not be able to see where you are, but He sees, and you’re closer than you think.

Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus. “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.” “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received sight and followed Jesus along the road. – Mark 10:50-52 (NIV)

Linking with:

L.L. for On, In, & Around on Mondays
Shanda for On Your Heart Tuesday
Joan for The Beauty in His Grip
Jen for Soli Deo Gloria
Laura for Playdates at the Wellspring
Michelle for Hear it Sunday, Use it Monday
Carissa for Miscellany Monday

Little is Much

I used to have big dreams. I actually believed I could make a difference— help the world become a better place. I never considered the vastness and impossibility of it all because I served a big God. But the older I became, the smaller He got. Years, kids, problems, reality— life— took over, and somewhere along the way I hid those hopes in boxes and settled for mediocrity. Having carefully wrapped the blueprints in newspaper, I pushed them in deep, sealed them with heavy tape, and crammed them into a dark corner.

But one day, in the middle of my simple, ordinary, middle-of-nowhere, mundane, late thirty-something averageness, God reminded me of the boxes. For the first time in years I saw Him clearly, and realized He hadn’t gotten smaller after all; He had only looked littler because of the distance between us—the gap created the day I put the boxes, His plans, my trust away in the attic.

The packages were still there, dusty, but unchanged. Carefully breaking the seals, I removed the contents of each one: a computer, desk, words, paper, pens, books, confidence, grace, peace, strength, testimony—everything I needed was there, and it had been all along.

So at a small desk in a small corner of a small house in a small town, I dusted off the items— His plans, my trust—and started writing. And guess what? He’s using the years, the kids, the problems, the reality that took over—the very excuses I made—to accomplish His purpose.

I’m just a stay-at-home mom in Oklahoma. I don’t have connections or a publisher or an agent. I don’t have a platform, marketing savvy, or a great branding strategy. But what I do have is God.

And God uses small. God uses average. God uses anyone.

How am I sure? I checked my analytics. In just one year’s time my little words have been read in 18 countries around the world—places like India, Brazil, Malaysia, Indonesia, Saudi Arabia, Russia, Bolivia, the Philippines, and South Africa—places I will never be able to physically visit, places too big and impossible for me to even imagine—not because I’m perfect, not because I’m a great writer, not because I’m special, but because God is good, because He uses the foolish, because He can do big things with small stuff.

Be encouraged today. Your God is big. Don’t underestimate His power or His plan—He works in ways you can’t see. Nothing you do goes unnoticed; no work you do is in vain. God uses small. God uses average. God uses you.

Does the place you’re called to labor
Seem too small and little known?
It is great if God is in it,
And He’ll not forget His own.

Little is much when God is in it!
Labor not for wealth or fame.
There’s a crown—and you can win it,
If you go in Jesus’ Name.

– Kittie Suffield

Brothers, consider your calling: Not many are wise from a human perspective, not many powerful, not many of noble birth. Instead, God has chosen what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God has chosen what is insignificant and despised in the world – what is viewed as nothing – to bring to nothing what is viewed as something, so that no one can boast in His presence. But it is from Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became God-given wisdom for us – our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, in order that, as it is written: The one who boasts must boast in the Lord. – 1 Corinthians 1:27-31 (HCSB)

Linking with:

Laura @ http://www.beholdingglory.com/

Jennifer @ http://studiojru.com/blog/

Beki @ http://www.blog.therustedchain.com/

Stacy @ http://www.heartprintsofgod.com/

Michelle @ http://www.nictomsmom.blogspot.com/



A Tree Fell Down and a Frog Got Smashed

As a little girl, I was terrified of thunderstorms. They made me feel helpless and anxious, like the whole world was looking for me specifically to crash down upon. Overwhelmed by the booms and flashes, I lost all sense of peace and safety. I became shaky and nervous, and sometimes I would cry.

But there was one person who could always comfort me. “Come sit in my lap,” she would say, “You remember that ‘ole frog, don’t you?” She held me tight, leaned in close, and in her spookiest, sing-songiest voice, she whispered in my ear:

The thunder roared.

The lightning flashed.

A tree fell down,

And a frog got smashed!

Just when it was time for the frog to get smashed, she would lean back in her chair, arms held high, and clap her hands together as hard as she could to demonstrate the untimely demise of the frog. Over and over she sang that song, becoming more animated with each recitation. Before long, I was laughing and clapping along, having forgotten the storm raging outside. I became so focused on her presence, her words, and her movement that I was no longer afraid.

Are you in a storm today? Be encouraged. He is right there with you, holding you in His lap. Focus on Him. Soak in His presence, His words, His movement. Remember His promises and love for you. He is for you not against you; you don't have to be afraid.

If God be our God, He will give us peace in trouble. When there is a storm without, He will make peace within. The world can create trouble in peace, but God can create peace in trouble. – Thomas Watson

Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm. – Anon

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. – Isaiah 26:3 (NKJV)

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord who has compassion on you. – Isaiah 54:10 (NIV)

Linking with:
http://www.reflectionsofhisgrace.com/
http://www.eph2810.com/

I'm Not and I Can't

I’m not and I can’t were my best friends for years—they grew up with me, went off to college with me, came to my wedding, and moved in permanently to help out after my children were born. They gave me advice, influenced every choice, and shielded me from a world of hurt. They saved me from stupid mistakes, or so I thought.

One day last year when they weren’t around—I think they were on vacation—I had to make an important decision. I knew what they would want me to do—after years of listening to the same old logic, I had their sermon memorized. But it just didn’t seem right. So I prayed, read the Bible, and sought advice from a couple of other friends, I am and I can, who just happened to show up for a visit the day I’m not and I can’t left. It was that day I found out the truth.

I’m not and I can’t had been lying the whole time. What I thought was safety was actually deprivation. What I thought was harboring me was really withholding opportunity, keeping me closed off from the world. I’m not and I can’t hadn’t saved me; they had repressed me. They sheltered me, not from danger, but from possibility.

I was furious. I thought of all the ways my life could have been different—better—if I hadn’t let them control me, of all the opportunities missed, harsh judgments exacted, cruel jokes played. I realized they had stolen my potential, my confidence, my destiny.  I’m not and I can’t  are not the humble souls they pretended to be.

I decided to kick them out.

I replaced their opinions with His words; I began to listen to I am and I can. I asked Him to restore my potential. I accepted hope and faith. The evil twins haven’t come back since.

Have these two ever knocked at your door? Don’t let them in. I’m not and I can’t are dangerous. They lie and cheat and steal. They will try to take your future; they will rob you of your joy and peace; they will talk you out of His truth.

You are and You can, but not only that, You will. Don’t listen to or repeat the lies I’m not and I can’t whisper in your ear. God has a purpose for your life and Satan wants to keep you from it by making you feel inferior. The power of life and death are in your tongue. Speak His truth to their lies.

You are – You, dear children are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. – 1 John 4:4 (NIV)

You can – I can do all things through him who gives me strength. – Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

You will – They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. – Revelation 12:11 (NIV)

Linking with:
http://gettingdownwithjesus.com/
http://womenlivingwell.org/category/women-living-well-wednesdays/
http://internetcafedevotions.com/
http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/
http://thingsicantsay.com
http://www.emilywierenga.com/
http://www.intentional.me

Whatever

Laundry sums up my existence these days. And I’ve been guilty of despising it—my stay-at-home motherhood—failing to see His design, forgetting that He is using it to work out His perfect will for me. I’ve not taken it seriously; I haven’t treated it like it matters. I thought by now I’d be Dr. Manning. I thought by now I’d have it all together. I thought by now I’d be making a difference in the world. The problem is, I’ve been more focused on what I haven’t done than what I do.

Then I read this:

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.  – I Corinthians 10:31 (NIV)

And I saw it again here:

And whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. – Colossians 3:17 (NIV)

Maybe He’s trying to tell me something?

“Whatever you do, Deidra, do it for My glory. Whatever you do, Deidra, give thanks to Me.”

God has put me in the place I’m in for a reason. It’s not glamorous, it’s not what I would have picked, but it’s His design for me. I am in this season on purpose. He’s not worried about what I think I should have accomplished by now or how I think I measure up in comparison to others. He’s concerned about what I am doing in the place He’s assigned me to. He hasn’t asked me to do what others are doing; He wants me to do my best and give Him thanks in the place I am in, even in the whatever.

Right now, my whatever includes laundry, dishes, cleaning, lawn mowing, blogging, mothering, chauffeuring, and grocery shopping. He gets the glory when I do these things well, when I take them seriously, when I treat them as the assignments they are. He delegated these whatevers to me. Your whatevers are probably different than mine, and they should be—we are each uniquely designed for a specific purpose.

Be encouraged today. You are where you are on purpose—by His design. You are in this season for a specific reason. So whatever your whatevers are in that place, do them for His glory. Don’t compare your whatevers to someone else’s. Be faithful and accountable in the tasks He has designated for you—they are preparation for the greater whatevers to come.

“But Paul’s instructions...are not meant to inspire you to become like somebody else—to start doing more of the things they do, like they do them. It’s calling for ‘whatever you do.’ There is value in the unique way that you mother your children, love your husband, do your job, oversee that committee, participate in that organization, and spend your time. It’s what you do. It’s how you do it. And that’s what He has promised to undergird with His power, causing Himself to be magnified through your actions.” – Priscilla Shirer, The Resolution for Women

Depression is a Vampire

Some anti-depressant commercials animate it, making it an amorphous blob with cute little sad eyes. Others show how depression hurts—how it is emotionally, physically, and mentally taxing, how it keeps you away from all you love. And yet others depict depressed people as wind-up dolls waiting for just the right medication to come along and twist the mechanism on their backs to help them get going again.

But there’s something these commercials don’t show—the other people affected by depression. Depression doesn’t only control the person who has it; it impacts anyone and everyone who comes in contact with it.

Until recently, I never considered the power of my depression in the lives of my family and friends. It makes their lives difficult. They have to walk on egg shells because they’re not sure what kind of reaction they’ll get. They have to work extra hard to get a response or coax interest and feeling. They have to be strong enough to force themselves into a place they’re not wanted and be willing to ride out the waves. And after a while, they get tired. Their strength drained, their hope gone—the life pulled out by depression’s hypodermic fangs—they begin to die too, victims of a slow fade.

Depression isn’t some sad little cloud that follows you around.

Depression is a vampire. He is selfish, thinking only of himself and what he needs to survive. He makes you feel like your life isn’t worth living, like no one needs you, like no one cares.

Depression wants you to himself—he doesn’t like sharing his kill. He wants all of you, all the time; he likes to feast continually.

Depression loves darkness and hates light.

Depression cannot stand the cross or holy things—joy, peace, love, forgiveness, grace, fellowship, faith. He steals the hope of God’s truth.

Depression is blood-thristy and sucks the life out of any who dare to come near. Depression drains hope, vitality, and strength from those around, and when it has totally depleted its carrier, it begins to feed off  the lives of those nearby.

So how can you stop this vampire, Depression? How can you save those you love from becoming victims of this cryptic predator? Help yourself.

If you need medicine, take it. If you need counseling, get it. If you need prayer, ask for it. If you feel yourself drowning, reach for the rope.

Do the opposite of what you feel.

Whether you want to admit it or not—whether you believe it or not—your life matters. Your feelings, words, and actions impact those around you. Your family and friends love you and need you. Refuse to stay trapped in the coffin of selfishness and isolation. Force yourself to look outside your box, to see beyond the confines of your darkness.

Your depression doesn’t just affect you, it affects your loved ones. Understanding this fact can help give you the courage to fight, because even if you don’t consider yourself worth fighting for, you will battle for those you love.

Be encouraged today. You are not alone. God loves you. Your family and friends love you—they need you. Will you fight for them?

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

For more tips on how to fight depression, read here.

Linking with:
L.L. for On, In, & Around on Mondays
Shanda for On Your Heart Tuesday
Joan for The Beauty in His Grip
Jen for Soli Deo Gloria
Laura for Playdates at the Wellspring

Promise

I have a little problem with trust.

I don’t believe people. I want to. But I don’t.

I can’t take a compliment. I have a hard time hearing positive things about myself.

Why?

Because of past experience, because I’m a pessimist, because of low self-esteem, because I don’t like to be vulnerable, because it feels wrong to think good things about myself, because people have ulterior motives, because, because, because.

And I don’t like to admit it, but this pathological disbelief spills over.

Sometimes I don’t believe God – that He really does want good things for me, that He wants me to prosper, that He will use me.

But then I heard something that really made me think:

God will not accommodate our doubt by bending His promises. – Barry Clardy

My belief, or lack thereof, doesn’t change who He is. God cannot lie. He is incapable of deception. What He says He must do. He is His word.

My disbelief doesn’t affect Him, it affects me. The promises are already mine, I just have to claim them.

I must answer all the what ifs with He did.

Do you ever doubt? Be encouraged today. Your promises are fulfilled; the work was complete the moment He spoke it into existence. All you have to do is accept it – it will come to pass.

For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. – 2 Corinthians 1:20 (NIV)

Linking with:

Laura @ http://www.beholdingglory.com/

Jennifer @ http://studiojru.com/blog/

Beki @ http://www.blog.therustedchain.com/

Stacy @ http://www.heartprintsofgod.com/

Summertime Blues: A Bit of Practical Advice

It happens this time every year. Without fail. And I hate it.

It used to catch me off guard, punch me in the gut, send me reeling, staggering, whirling to the darkest corners of the bottom in a collapse that took me months to recover from.

Not anymore.

Oh, it still comes, but its ways have changed. We greet each other cordially these days – no more sneaking around, no more pummeling. I’ve learned to listen for it, to anticipate its arrival, to embrace it as a visitor I can learn from. I’ve come to understand the reasons why it’s here, the methods it uses, the lies it tells.

But it took me a very long time.

So today, on the off chance there is someone else out there who is battling some degree of depression, I’m offering a little advice:

1.      Do something...

Get up

Brush your teeth

Take a shower

Read your Bible (even if only 1 verse)

Pray (even if all you can say is “God, help me!”)

Set a goal for yourself and do it, even if it is a simple task. I’ve had days when it took all the strength I had to be able to take a shower and put on clothes. If that’s all you’ve got in you, then just do that. Any activity (no matter how small) that has you focused on something other than the bed and the darkness is a good one. When you’ve accomplished your goal, celebrate the victory – it is a victory. Any moment you’ve taken from depression is one less moment it has to conquer you, and that is a big win.

2.      Engage with others. This is really hard, I know. At the very core of depression is the deep desire to be alone, to disengage, to crawl into a hole and never come out. Interaction with others, even in its simplest form, is physically and emotionally exhausting. I get it. But, alone is not a good place. If you keep to yourself, you are making room for depression to keep growing. Cutting yourself off from your husband, children, friends, co-workers, or church family is not helping you. Depression is selfish – it wants all of you, all the time. Even five minutes spent truly listening to your child or saying more than “yes” or “no” when your spouse speaks to you is a victory – it’s five minutes of freedom from depression’s lonely lies.

3.      Go outside or try some physical activity. You are not a vampire. You need sunlight. Even if you just stay in pajamas and sit on your back steps for ten minutes, it is good for you. Depression feeds off darkness of all kinds. Let some light in, it will make you feel better. Or if you’re feeling especially ambitious, walk to the mailbox, take the trash bin to the curb, water your flowers – anything that makes you move is good. Depression wants you immobilized. Every step you take counts in your favor, moves you one more inch away from its debilitating grip.

4.      Learn to recognize your triggers. Depression likes to visit me in the summertime because it knows I’m most vulnerable then. Since I am no longer on a structured, school’s-in schedule, I easily lose my sense of purpose and direction and no longer feel the comfort of familiar activities and timelines. Structure and schedules are very important to my well-being. Also, since I don’t have a place I have to be or things I have to do outside my home, the walls begin closing in, hugging me in my schedule-deprived nervousness, comforting me with my familiar, inside world of darkness and seclusion. Knowing how your enemy works will help you win the battle. Depression can’t catch you off guard when you know it’s coming.

It takes effort. It is hard. Some days I succeed. Some days I fail. Some things are easier than others. Right now, I’m having a really hard time engaging with others and making myself be social. But, I keep trying. This, too, will eventually pass, and until it does, I will continue in spite of it. I will not let depression win.

God is faithful. He knows, He sees, He cares. He is not ignorant of my condition or my problems. He will help me. He will help you, too. It may not seem like He is there, but He is. All we have to do is call.

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. – Psalm 18:6 (NIV)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. – Psalm 34:4-8 (NIV)

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. – Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

Linking with:
Joan @ http://www.reflectionsofhisgrace.com/
Iris @ http://www.eph2810.com/

Faithful

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share in your master’s happiness!” – Matthew 25:21 (NIV)

Recently, I heard someone say he was glad the aforementioned verse says faithful rather than successful, because while success is not always possible, faithfulness is.

But that doesn’t make it easy.

Faithful stays when others leave; keeps working when everyone else quits; remains loyal and obedient  when others get tired and find something new.

Faithful doesn’t give up. Faithful doesn’t let go. Faithful is steadfast, devoted, enduring, sincere, and trustworthy.

Faithful is hard-core. Even when he is tired, weak, lonely, sad, weary, confused, drained and unmotivated, he keeps going. Faithful never stops, even when the pastor doesn’t pat him on the back, even when only three people come to his Sunday school class, even when no one calls to check on him, even when only 20 people read his blog, even when no one likes his Facebook status or gives him an RT on Twitter, even when he didn’t get asked to be on the committee, even when no one recognizes his greatness.

Faithful understands what many don’t – that in spite of how he feels, in spite of what others do or don’t do, regardless of what others say or don’t say – he alone is responsible for what he has been given. Faithful doesn’t pass the buck or place blame on his past failures or present circumstances. Faithful continues in spite of those things. Faithful keeps his promise anyway.

I want to be found faithful, for God (not others) to say, “Well done, Deidra! Because you kept following Me even when it was hard, even when you were depressed, even though things didn’t always go your way, even when it felt like the whole world was against you or that no one cared, I am going to give you more to do. I’ve been watching you and rooting for you the whole time. You’ve proven you can handle it and I’m so proud of you!”

Be encouraged today. God is watching and rooting for you. He sees what no one else does, and He will reward your faithfulness.

Faithfulness is not doing something right once, but doing something right over and over and over and over. – Joyce Meyer

Being faithful in the smallest things is the way to gain, maintain, and demonstrate the strength needed to accomplish something great. – Alex Harris

Linking with:
http://gettingdownwithjesus.com/
http://womenlivingwell.org/category/women-living-well-wednesdays/
http://internetcafedevotions.com/
http://www.goodmorninggirls.org/
http://www.seedsoffaithwomen.com/

Blogiversary: What I've Learned About Myself

This week marks the first anniversary of my leap into the blogging world. At the time it seemed so serendipitous, but God’s good at that – disguising His divine purpose in what appears to be ordinary, wrapping life-changing opportunity with ribbons of the everyday, granting the chance for new hope through decisions made on a whim.

That’s how I started blogging – on impulse. A friend suggested it, and without making my typical pros/cons list, over-analyzing, or coming up with a thousand reasons why I would fail, I tried it. I had never read a blog. I didn’t know anything about the blogosphere. I had no clue what I was doing. I still don’t know what I’m doing.

But, there are many things that I have learned about myself – things I was completely unaware of before this journey began:

I am a writer.

I have a message that matters.

I am one of many, but that doesn’t diminish my importance.

I am not defined by who does or doesn’t endorse me.

I can be the real, flawed me and still help others.

I couldn’t say these things about myself a year-and-a-half ago. I didn’t think I mattered; I didn’t know I had a purpose. But trust me, if God can take me, a girl who struggled – struggles still – with depression, eating disorder, low self-esteem, pessimism and give her hope, a sense of purpose, a chance to grow and become better, a way to show His love and grace to others, then take heart, He will do those things for you.

You are who He says you are. You have a message that matters. You are one of many, but you are so important to His work. You are not defined by what others think or say about you, and whether others support you or not, you have the endorsement of the only One who matters. You can help others. It doesn’t take flawlessness; it takes willingness, love, and dependence on Christ. Authenticity and honesty lead others to Him, not false pretense and plastic perfection.

God is faithful. He knows, He sees, He cares. Look to Him today – you will not be disappointed.

I am sure of this, that He who started a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. – Philippians 1:6 (HCSB)

Linking with Emily:
http://www.emilywierenga.com/

What's in Your Wallet?

The currency of heaven is trust. – Barry Clardy

What seems an eternity in line is finally rewarded with my turn at the register. Scanning each item carefully, the clerk makes small talk over the incessant beeping of bar codes. All I want is to go home – to grab my bags and leave – but she takes her sweet time, examining each package. “Are these good?” she asks, “I’ve always wanted to try them.” “Yeah,” I answer with a half-hearted smile, all the while wishing she’d hurry up. “Really?” I think to myself, “Just scan  it and bag it, girl. It’s not your job to judge my items or question my purchase – just give me my stuff!”

With the last box of cookies safely in the bag, she hits the button revealing my total. “That’ll be one fifty-four seventy-two,” she says with a smile. “Finally!” I think as I reach for my wallet. Sliding down quickly from the top of my ears like a transparent red shade being pulled over my face, the embarrassment is now fully visible. My wallet isn’t in my purse. I have no money or credit cards – I can’t pay. “I guess I left my wallet at home. I’m so sorry – I’m going to have to come back later.”

Whispering among themselves, the row of people behind me look on in disgust and agitation as I move my cart full of groceries to the side. I wish I could sprint to the door with Olympic speed, but humiliation is a heavy weight that makes it impossible to run. I am mortified. It was an honest mistake, but I should have been prepared – I should have made sure I had my wallet before I left home.

The same thing has happened in my spiritual life. At times, I’ve gone to His throne treating it like a heavenly store, wanting to get in and get out – no questions, no small talk. I’ve not wanted His guidance or opinion about my life’s purchases. I’ve wanted Him to give me my stuff and let me go. Other times, I’ve been at His place truly needy – wanting help, provision, healing – and I’ve left empty-handed, having forgotten my wallet.

We don’t owe Jesus for His blessings – He gives those freely out of love and grace. But, if we are to be recipients, He does require one payment: trust.

Faith, confidence, belief, conviction – this is the fee that guarantees salvation, supply, direction, healing, and mountain moving and removal.

What’s in your wallet?

Everything is possible for one who believes. – Mark 9:23 (NIV)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. – John 3:16 (NIV)

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. – Mark 11:23 (NIV)

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. – Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)

Linking with:

L.L. for On, In, & Around on Mondays
Michelle for Hear It Sunday, Use it Monday
Shanda for On Your Heart Tuesday
Joan for The Beauty in His Grip
Jen for Soli Deo Gloria
Laura for Playdates at the Wellspring



























 

Words I Need to Know but Hate to Hear

Time, gradual, process – words I hate, words that are hard, words that are convicting – words He keeps sending my way.

I don’t like waiting or going slow. I like right now.

But really, all of life is a process. Babies aren’t born right after conception; dreams don’t become reality overnight; Rome wasn’t built in a day.

All living things go through an incubation period – a time of growth, development, cultivation, and maturation. And just as much as the precious new gift needs time to progress and expand, we need that stage to prepare – to get ready for the coming promise. All expectant mothers experience a nesting phase. They stockpile necessary resources, make a special place for the new little one, clean everything out to make sure the environment is fresh and healthy, because they know once the baby arrives there will be no time for all of that. Once the promise comes, every moment will be spent in its care.

And so it is with our dreams, visions, promises, goals. We need the gradual, the process. We must utilize the incubation period, because if we don’t, we won’t be ready when it comes. And if we’re not ready, we won’t be able to handle it. We’ll be so caught up worrying about the places we haven’t cleaned out, the room that’s not ready, the supplies we failed to get that we won’t be able to enjoy its arrival or share it with those who need it.

God’s words are true and do not return void. If He said it, it will happen; it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.

I want to use my time wisely, embrace the process, accept the gradual – it’s all a part of His plan to make me ready.

This is what the past is for! Every experience God gives us, every person He puts in our lives is the perfect preparation for the future that only He can see. – Corrie ten Boom

For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak , and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. – Habakkuk 2:3(NKJV)

 

Comfortable

Just yesterday I wrote about how lately I’ve felt like giving up, how I’m tired of the seemingly constant struggle between what I know to do and what I feel like doing, how nevertheless I will continue.  And then at church last night the speaker talked about quitting, about how we are engaged in a battle, about how we must choose to keep fighting. We must finish to obtain the reward. We have to press on if we want the prize. Winners are not those who don’t fail, they are those who don’t quit.

Then he made a statement I’ve been pondering since: We often equate our level of comfort with God’s approval in our lives. I know I’ve done that – made myself believe that because things aren’t going right I must be out of His will. And where did we ever get that idea anyway – that God’s will is cozy, warm, and fuzzy – that if we are living out His purpose for us we will be comfortable?

The Bible is a book of battles, of struggle, of contests, of war. From the Old Testament filled with actual battles to the New Testament’s references to internal struggle – the competition between spirit and flesh – His word is filled with discomfort. His way is not easy, in fact, it goes against everything born within us, our carnal nature. Is it comfortable to love and forgive those who hurt us and use us? Is it relaxing to take up our cross and follow Him? Is it easy to follow all of His commands?

Following Him involves risk; it includes sacrifice. He never said it would be easy, but He said He would be with us. He promised he would comfort us, not make us comfortable.

I am learning to view my struggles as an indicator, not of my weakness, but of His work in me.

Satan doesn’t waste his time on those who are not a threat to his kingdom, so if you are fighting today, be encouraged – that means you are on the right road. He wants you to give up, but don’t give in. No one can fill your place – no one else has your unique set of talents and abilities. You are here for such a time as this, and remember, you will reap a harvest IF you do not give up (Galatians 6:9).

Fight the good fight of faith. – I Timothy 6:12 (NIV)

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of eveil in heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. – Ephesians 6:12-13 (NIV)

But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through. – Francis Chan